Dear person who pissed all over the toilet seat and left it-
I get it. You’re a PoII (Person of Incredible Importance). I use acronyms because YSDB (you’re so damn busy). Perhaps you were running out the door to attend a conference on 5-hour energy use? Or maybe there was a sale on bluetooth headsets down at the drive through douche-gizmo store? Either way, rest assured we know you were rushing somewhere. Rushing so much that you couldn’t take the 3.4875 seconds to wipe off the seat you firehosed. I know it’s hard - I really had to reevaluate my life importance when I got the pleasure of wiping down the crime scene. Your rushed importance is understood not just by me, but also by the little school girl who’s ribbon braided pigtail now dangles from where it was embedded into your car grill (school zones are for slow life underachievers). Fear not PoII - you’ve got people like me who share your world (albeit from a slower lane on the freeway of life) and get the pleasure of clearing up behind you. Little Sally’s parents and I will contemplate our under-importance at her funeral today. I’d invite you but I know that you’ve got 930 more things on your to-do list and the collateral damage of your heroic determination will far overshadow us.
